February 2010
Stupid Famous People
BROOKE SHIELDS: Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you lose a very important part of your life.
DAN QUAYLE, former US vice president: If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
CHRISTINA AGUILERA: So where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
BILL PETERSON, Florida State football coach: Guys, line up alphabetically by height.
YOGI BERRA, baseball player:...
“Most people don’t mind criticism as long as it’s about someone else.”
– Susan L. Wiener
“You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better...”
– H. Jackson Brown
Super Powers in Push (2009)
If I would be given a chance to have any super power/s, here is the list of my preferences. 1) Pushers (It’s the best super power ever! Ever!) Pushers have the ability to implant memories, thoughts and emotions into the minds of other people. With this power, they are able to make other people do whatever the Pusher wants them to do, as if it’s the person’s own agenda.
2)...
Jesus and Satan always play games just for fun.
One day, they wanted to know who between them was faster in typing.
Whoever would be able to print an article first would win.
So Jesus and Satan started transcribing the same article.
They were equally fast!
Just before they hit the Print button, the power died.
Satan screamed in anger while Jesus remained quiet.
After a minute, power came...
The Donkey
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway. It just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well....
Always look for simple solutions
Case 1 When NASA (USA) began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn’t work at zero gravity (ink won’t flow down to the writing surface).
To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from...
The Son
A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.
About a...
A nun got into a cab and noticed that the very handsome cab driver wouldn’t stop staring at her. She asked him why.
DRIVER: Uhm, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.
NUN: Well, my son, let’s see what we can do about that. First, you have to be single and second, you must be a Catholic.
DRIVER: Yes, I’m single and Catholic!
NUN: Okay, my son. Pull into the...
A daughter's letter to her father
A father passing by his teenage daughter’s bedroom felt scared when he saw the bed nicely made. Everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m...
Boyfriend: I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time!
Girlfriend: Well, God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.
Boyfriend: You should really stop talking so much. I read that women use 30,000 words a day while men only use 15,000. That’s twice!
Girlfriend: It’s because women have to repeat everything to men.
Boyfriend: What?!
“Bertrand Russell said that “the megalomaniac differs from the narcissist...”
“Every man dies. Not every man lives.”
– William Wallace
“I make a lot of money and I’m worth every cent.”
– Naomi Campbell
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the...”
– Douglas Adams
